Not Again please!

In case all my friends think I have an easy life, that I live like a lord, that I am a spoilt rabbit who doesn't appreciate his luxurious lifestyle, take a look at this.Do I hear shouts of unfair to rabbits? Are you crying into your hay? Are you stamping your back foot and tossing your water dish in the air? I hope so.

They call this de-fluffing. I call it criminal.

I have carefully pointed out to them on many occasions that I will not be groomed with a a brush so what do they do? They grab me while I am dozing peacefully, hoist me onto the bench, hold me down in a half nelson with one hand and have the temerity to yank out great clumps of my beautiful, powder-puff fur with the other leaving the most unsightly bald patches near my er, tail.

Even worse, they were taught how to do this by my vet! The man I thought was my friend. The man every rabbit should turn to at least twice a year to maintain his healthy lifestyle. Well, think again friends.

Then sometimes when I look at the photograph my friend Celia Haddon sent of a rabbit in her garden in the snow with his myxi eye and his desperate nibbling of her Eleagnus bush to prevent starvation, I pull my cuddle blanket over my head and count my blessings. Moulting time is nothing in the great scheme of things is it?

January

Sometimes there's not much to write in my diary and January is one of those times. The doors and windows are shut so there's no point in sitting on the doorstep and it's not worth climbing onto the window sill so I have no idea what's going on in the garden.

I don't mind much because my house is my domain and people-training sessions fill my days. That and bed making which is much like making scrapes so I keep my hand in ready for garden maintenance when the time comes. I can go on scrabbling with my paws and tugging my comfort blankets with my teeth for hours on end. It's very therapeutic.

Sometimes J joins in. She pulls my blanket over my head and we play Where's Harvey? Then I poke my head out and say Here I am. It gives her something to do and I quite enjoy it.

A dog came to visit the other evening and I had to stay in the kitchen. His name is Bingo. When he had gone I had to check about to see if he had been in any of my places. He had. I could smell him. He had even been on my sofa but I don't think he had any of my carrot. Afterwards I wouldn't take anything from J's hand until she had washed them thoroughly. I prefer the smell of soap to the smell of dog.

Did you forget to mention you have taken a great interest in the carpet fringe, Harve? Has it become one of your best friends?

Advice for KC and other interested parties.

Dear Kattycat,
You ask for suggestions for rousing your family when they lie abed too long.
Ping pong balls are the answer! You can make a very gratifying noise with a ping pong ball if you persevere.
Figaro, the British Blue cat who preceeded me, before they realised a house rabbit was the perfect companion animal, once frightened off a burglar during the night by playing with his ping pong ball. My lot heard him bashing it around in the kitchen and put the house lights on. Off shot the intruder and Figgi received great praise.
Another idea is one of those food bowls with a timer. It could be primed to open early just for you if they insist on having a lie in. That could also make quite a din if you try to toss it around to open it before its time. I often throw my dish around to let them know when it is empty.
Good luck,
Harvey

Rules and regs

In order to live in harmony with our humans there are always a few things to rethink and get straight. Once they understand basics and think they have things sussed as far as communication with us is concerned this is the time to block their vantage points.

For instance, kisses. Kisses please, they will say. Now this is ok. You push your face close to theirs and give a quick lick on the nose. However, if you hear Big, huggy kisses, you run like the wind. Run rabbit run!! Anywhere. Vantage point blocked. Why? Because you know this is going to involve being picked up, clutched to their chests and slobbered over. If you are really unlucky they will sing to you when you are at your most disadvantaged and probably unable to breath.

Then there's night-night time. Perhaps you used to give in straight away to the temptation of carrot which is synonymous with bedtime. Don't. Try to block out the carrot thought and think bed, a long time without attention. Make them chase you round the furniture, hide underneath the piano, hide behind the curtains or under a chair. Duck and dive. Pretend you are prey, or if you are a cat imagine a rotweiller one inch from your tail. You will be doing them a good turn. It's great excercise for them and they will realise you are not a pushover.This trains them to stick to the rules. Your rules. Always be prepared to alter your strategy and retrain them away from things you don't like.
Now, my PCG has decided to teach me to sit and stay when she leaves the room for a short time to collect my evening nibbles. I can and have done this many times with not very good grace. In fact I had to thump on one occasion to remind her I was still waiting so now if I get bored, I give her a minute then dash to meet her on the way back with the daily fruit ration which we share on the sofa. It speeds her up and trips her up.

Finally, It's poop check time. Well, even they know not to say THAT out loud!
It's all go if you need to keep one step ahead with the training schedule in this house.
Good luck.

Huh! Such a sneaky bun and who has started taking a bite out of several pieces of apple so no-one else can eat them?

Let it snow......

When I have finished this small bowl I'm going to start on the big bowl. My stocks should last until the snow goes.

The utility room is out of bounds because they think the quarry tiles are too cold for my feet! Personally I think they are being over protective so I keep an eye on the door and sneak in to cool off when they aren't looking. In the meantime I'm sort of being coddled like an egg. My feet have fur on them for goodness sake and some rabbits are still living in hutches out in the freezing gardens. Why is this? Why can't they come indoors and share the fire like I do?I like to pop out to have a close look at the snow when they feed the birds because I need to keep a check on how many of my raisins are put on their feeding patch.

I feel sorry for the birds. Today a big brown labrador came into our garden and ate two cheese and raisin scones with extra fat, some grated cheese, chopped apple and a scoopful of mealworm crumble. I hope it is sick all night long.

Rabbits and hamsters should be brought into a warmer area in the winter. Water is freezing almost as soon as it is put outside. A utility room would be ideal. There are warming pads to heat up in a microwave and this should be kept up regularly. The Rabbit Welfare Association gives excellent advice on how to look after your pets in cold weather.

My gift.

Everybody seemed to be giving other people things for Christmas but I didn't know what to do.

I couldn't go shopping by myself and I know they don't eat hay. They don't seem to play with cardboard boxes and they never share my breakfast. I don't know how to cut up fruit for them or put it on a plate. I couldn't help them to hang up decorations and I had nothing to wrap in pretty paper to put under the tree.

I was so unhappy then I had a really good idea. I could leave them something special on Christmas morning after all. Something I know they really like. Something they always wrap up and take away to keep.I left two pieces of my very own poo on the kitchen floor instead of in the utility room! It was the first thing they saw when they came downstairs and the smile on their faces told me I had done the right thing.

"Thank you, Harve," they said and gave me a big Christmas kiss.

There is no hope of Harvey realising he should eat his caecotrophs for further nutrition. He doesn't need to as a house bunny and any inherent racial memory of this no longer exists. He has none of the true rabbit needs. He occasionally goes into his cardboard box if he feels like chewing it but prefers to lie at our feet or, in this winter weather, in front of the fire or under the kitchen table where the heating pipes run. He is a perfect companion animal. Apart from the poo on the floor once a day!!

Why?

I am a deprived rabbit. I have no hutch in the house, I have no haystacks in the house to bury myself in and I have no large bunches of carrots hanging from hooks at rabbit height in every room for me to munch on all day long.
Can I go on living like this? Should I consult the European Court of Rabbit Rights?
Why can't I have my own TV? Why do I have to wait for my tea at a certain time of day instead of when I feel like it?Even when I sit in the place they know is my teatime spot they still don't take the hint. Why do I have to tolerate my back end being checked every day? Why do I have to put up with all the hugs and kisses all day long? Why can't they keep stroking my face and ears for hours on end instead of just for the odd half an hour or so? Most of all why can't I have my Christmas sock NOW?
Harve has had a few of his old problems with his digestive system and has felt a bit grumpy and out of sorts. Probiotics in his drinking water for four days has sorted it and things seem to be back to normal.