In trouble

Oh boy, am I in trouble. First of all I flicked the lid of a dish someone had put on my window seat look-out and accidentally chipped a bit off. I only wanted to look inside in case a bit of carrot might have been hidden there. After all they're always hiding tasty things in different places for me to find in case I get bored. How was I to know it was a special hundred year old tureen? Who wants something that old anyway? What's the use in having something in the kitchen if there's no food in it? Pointless.

Then I wrecked the humane mousetrap by tossing it about in the utility room on the tiles. I could smell some delicious cereal inside and why should the mouse have it instead of me? It was on the floor, my floor, so it should have been mine. Anyway, it's broken now so I'm going to forget all about it. It's all their fault for temptng me to hunt for food in odd places.

I tried to make up for it by helping the plumber but I've been hiding most of today. They won't know where I am and they'll regret shouting at me when they think I've left home.

Back to normal

More visitors so more work for me on the entertainment front. It's all a bit much for this ageing rabbit especially the lack of respect the uninitiated can show regarding the preferences of house bunnies. One of the first-time guests actually tried to pick me up but I niftily shot through his fingers before he had the chance to haul me into the air. The nerve of it but as you know I never hold grudges so I allowed him to give me a decent sized piece of carrot after a minute or two to let him know he was forgiven. That's one thing he learned. Rabbits are ground creatures and hate being waved around like the Union flag. I expect he thought my beautiful lop ears were wings and was trying to get me airborne. Funny things humans and this particular one was from Norway. They probably don't have rabbits in those foreign countries.

Things are back to normal now and my bedroom is free. As far as everybody else is concerned I've got 'em nicely pinned down.

Sprouts.

My teatime is a bit miserable at present. Everything has turned white outside so there's no sweet,juicy grass and my parsley and mint are buried under a foot of snow. Just look at my garden.

And who's are these paw prints? Not mine.

My primary care givers can't get the car up the hill and out of the village to get to the supermarket

so I'm having to make do with broccolli stalks and carrot as well as my 22 grams of crunchies and my dried grass. The snag is, they've decided to hide sprout leaves under it all.Ugh! I can't stand the smelly things. I leave them every single time but she still sneaks a leaf in. Tossing my dish as far away as I can when I get to the sprout should be a big enough hint and it's quite a heavy dish but they still haven't got the message.

Still, it's sunbeam time again so I make do with what's on offer and then snooze in the warm patches which is usually just where they want to walk. There's always something a house rabbit can do do make his presence felt and show his displeasure. Roll on spring with it's grassy shoots and Valerian.

Cleaning, walking and digestive biscuits.

When it's wash and brush up time I won't speak to anybody. Even if the Queen came she'd have to wait until I had finished. I might just give way for a bit of banana but it would have to be right under my nose because cleaning and titivating is a very serious and ongoing business.. I love to feel spanking clean and smelling just of rabbit then I like to finish with a long s-t-r-e-t-c-h. On the odd occasion, after my stretch I might walk a few steps or so. Bet you thought I could only hop! The first time my primary care giver saw me she was almost hysterical. "He's walking on all four legs" she squealed. Well. what else would I use for walking. I'll need to be more circumspect another time. I worry when she gets too excited. It's not good for her heart and I need to be cherished for few more years to come. Anyway, you can't get up much speed walking and your bum tends to stick up in the air instead of being neatly tucked up underneath on the floor.

What else has been happening? Oh, yes. Yesterday I found one of the most delicious things in the world. It's called a digestive biscuit. It was casually sitting there on a plate on the coffee table waiting for me so I took it. I could smell it was meant for me, all sugary and cereally and munchy. So why did she get all uptight and chase me? It fell to bits as I ran so I didn't get much more than a quick nibble. Life can be so unfair. Digestive biscuits. Mmmm. Must have a nap near the fire and dream about them.

Shove over, I was here first.

Dear Harvey

Now look here rabbit. Put this in your diary! All this business about dogs being stupid, looking silly and what not is wearing a bit thin. You think you are the only one who has life tagged? Do you think you are the only one who can organise humans to your advantage? Well, think again. We dogs holiday in foreign countries you have never dreamed about. We swim in rivers and in the sea to our hearts' content. We go on fantastic walks, we share a bedroom with our humans and we take the best chairs nearest to a fire. And do you think you are the only species who can binkie? Take a look at this, rabbit.

You say we shouldn't wear coats and shoes. We'll have you know dogs are intrepid explorers. All explorers wear special outfits. Brave fire dogs who investigate burnt out buildings wear shoes and rescue dogs wear protective stuff. We are heroes. We laugh in the face of danger. What do rabbits do? They hide in holes and under tables.

We know how to wrap our humans round our paws just by gazing up at them. You have a lot to learn, rabbit and by the way, who was clever enough to get rid of a pesky bunny who used to take our humans attention away from us? I, Roxy! And who was Miss September on a famous calendar? I, Willow.

Think again, rabbit. Think again.

You can choose your friends but ...

When you are a free range house rabbit mornings tend to be the busiest time. I'm never bored doing the same thing every day. I like my ritual. First I eat my smackeral of carrot, carry out my, er.., ablutions, dash upstairs to muddle my bed in case someone has straightened it, make them open all the doors so I can check downstairs rooms and let them know when it's time for my crunchies. Then I hunt for the warmest spot in the house. It could be a radiator or in front of the log burning stove or the spot under the kitchen table where the pipes run along. I've sorted them all. I was living this reasonable, sensible, intelligent sort of life until I saw these pictures. Oh the shame. Oh the embarrassment to this rabbit, how some animals will allow themselves to be treated.

I told you my dog Willow and Roxy my nemesis had gone skiing. Well, because their feet bleed in deep, sharp snow they now have snow shoes.You will cringe with me when you see this latest H B Rabbit film when they first tried them on.

I'm told they work brilliantly, their paws are fine and they even get excited when they are having shoes put on because they know they will be going outside. Dogs never cease to amaze me. I'm a patient chap but would never allow anything so ridiculous to be done to me.

I've managed to put a couple of comments on your blog, Lennie. Your photographs are splendid. What brilliant photographers your humans are. I know how stressful it is when you are a celebrity. Keep up the mad activities while you are young. Keep them on their toes.

It's a Wrap.

I'm such a happy bunnie today. Yesterday started badly as I was taken to the vet all because my Primary Care Giver had one of her feelings which always means cat basket, car, vet. I'd hoped they'd forgotten about vets because it must be five months since I've been. Anyway, I showed my objections by wriggling about on the examination table and causing as much trouble as I could but she was right as usual. I had a flea! I knew I had an itch but didn't realise someone had set up house near my tail. The nerve of it.
Then my bum's nooks and crannies were shaved because I couldn't clean them properly as my fur was too thick. Now there's a bit of a draught but I feel free,free,free as a feather. And bouncy.
The vet weighed me. Perfect. Teeth, perfect. Eyes, superb. Ears, spot on. Tummy, nice and squishy. It's a good life.
I had my first Christmas card just for me from my friend Pauline-the-postie who looks after me when my lot are away. My sock is hanging on the Aga so all is set for the best Christmas ever because the dogs are going skiing with Simon and my Joanne so I won't be stuck in the utility room all day. I wonder how those gangly legged dogs will manage to ski? They look silly enough careering round the house and garden, legs flapping in all directions. I'd be so embarrassed if I looked like that. Oh well, we can't all be perfect.
Merry Christmas to all my friends especially to Hyperspace-George and his family, William, Smudge and Lennie.

Harve has carefully ignored one of the things the vet said. He should not be allowed beetroot sticks because they have added calcium. Rabbits don't need added calcium. It makes the urine thick and yellow and can lead to all sorts of things like kidney stones. So stick to grass and hay all you lagomorphs. And the odd carrot of course.