Dear Harvey

Now look here rabbit. Put this in your diary! All this business about dogs being stupid, looking silly and what not is wearing a bit thin. You think you are the only one who has life tagged? Do you think you are the only one who can organise humans to your advantage? Well, think again. We dogs holiday in foreign countries you have never dreamed about. We swim in rivers and in the sea to our hearts' content. We go on fantastic walks, we share a bedroom with our humans and we take the best chairs nearest to a fire. And do you think you are the only species who can binkie? Take a look at this, rabbit.

You say we shouldn't wear coats and shoes. We'll have you know dogs are intrepid explorers. All explorers wear special outfits. Brave fire dogs who investigate burnt out buildings wear shoes and rescue dogs wear protective stuff. We are heroes. We laugh in the face of danger. What do rabbits do? They hide in holes and under tables.

We know how to wrap our humans round our paws just by gazing up at them. You have a lot to learn, rabbit and by the way, who was clever enough to get rid of a pesky bunny who used to take our humans attention away from us? I, Roxy! And who was Miss September on a famous calendar? I, Willow.

Think again, rabbit. Think again.

You can choose your friends but ...

When you are a free range house rabbit mornings tend to be the busiest time. I'm never bored doing the same thing every day. I like my ritual. First I eat my smackeral of carrot, carry out my, er.., ablutions, dash upstairs to muddle my bed in case someone has straightened it, make them open all the doors so I can check downstairs rooms and let them know when it's time for my crunchies. Then I hunt for the warmest spot in the house. It could be a radiator or in front of the log burning stove or the spot under the kitchen table where the pipes run along. I've sorted them all. I was living this reasonable, sensible, intelligent sort of life until I saw these pictures. Oh the shame. Oh the embarrassment to this rabbit, how some animals will allow themselves to be treated.

I told you my dog Willow and Roxy my nemesis had gone skiing. Well, because their feet bleed in deep, sharp snow they now have snow shoes.You will cringe with me when you see this latest H B Rabbit film when they first tried them on.

I'm told they work brilliantly, their paws are fine and they even get excited when they are having shoes put on because they know they will be going outside. Dogs never cease to amaze me. I'm a patient chap but would never allow anything so ridiculous to be done to me.

I've managed to put a couple of comments on your blog, Lennie. Your photographs are splendid. What brilliant photographers your humans are. I know how stressful it is when you are a celebrity. Keep up the mad activities while you are young. Keep them on their toes.

It's a Wrap.

I'm such a happy bunnie today. Yesterday started badly as I was taken to the vet all because my Primary Care Giver had one of her feelings which always means cat basket, car, vet. I'd hoped they'd forgotten about vets because it must be five months since I've been. Anyway, I showed my objections by wriggling about on the examination table and causing as much trouble as I could but she was right as usual. I had a flea! I knew I had an itch but didn't realise someone had set up house near my tail. The nerve of it.
Then my bum's nooks and crannies were shaved because I couldn't clean them properly as my fur was too thick. Now there's a bit of a draught but I feel free,free,free as a feather. And bouncy.
The vet weighed me. Perfect. Teeth, perfect. Eyes, superb. Ears, spot on. Tummy, nice and squishy. It's a good life.
I had my first Christmas card just for me from my friend Pauline-the-postie who looks after me when my lot are away. My sock is hanging on the Aga so all is set for the best Christmas ever because the dogs are going skiing with Simon and my Joanne so I won't be stuck in the utility room all day. I wonder how those gangly legged dogs will manage to ski? They look silly enough careering round the house and garden, legs flapping in all directions. I'd be so embarrassed if I looked like that. Oh well, we can't all be perfect.
Merry Christmas to all my friends especially to Hyperspace-George and his family, William, Smudge and Lennie.

Harve has carefully ignored one of the things the vet said. He should not be allowed beetroot sticks because they have added calcium. Rabbits don't need added calcium. It makes the urine thick and yellow and can lead to all sorts of things like kidney stones. So stick to grass and hay all you lagomorphs. And the odd carrot of course.

New Friends

House Rabbit. Two magic words. Wherever you are just whisper them and somebody will dash over to chat. Did you say you have a house rabbit? So have I. And off we go. New friends made immediately.

I haven't met my latest lot yet but their names are Rachel and Ian. Would you believe more Canadians? Then there's Lionel, a white baby lop who is just a few weeks old. J saw a photograph of him on a mobile phone. He is an expert binkier already. Of course his human is very proud of him. I'm hoping to hear from him when he learns to write.

I don't expect he knows how to make his bed yet so that's going to be my video this time. Don't let them fob you off with hay, Lionel. Ask for some small dozing mats and a nice bright red towel to show up your white coat. Towels are good to toss around, they're easy to get into the right position for a head rest and they can be popped in the washing machine where you can watch them swish around.
They seem to be cutting down on my tea these days. All I had yesterday was a bit of parsley, a sprig of mint, a few snippets of carrot, two measley slices of banana and half a dozen sprout leaves. Oh and one dandelion leaf. I could have eaten three times as much. I think it's a plot to make me eat more hay.

Your tea was more than enough, Harve. We don't want a fat rabbit who can't reach to clean those important places although you still dash around the house like a two year old which is very good excercise.

A New Hobby

If you have been wondering where I am I have lost my diary. It's usually beside my basket or under my big table so I can jot down notes and keep an eye on those little irritations I need to deal with, but I can't find it anywhere. Somebody has been in an extra tidying mood and interfered with my stuff.

Anyway I had to think up a new way of keeping everybody in touch with my goings on and had a brilliant idea! You'll never guess!! I've taken up film making. Harvey B Rabbit Productions! My lot think the initials, HB, sound too much like a pencil but I think it is quite impressive. Harvey Bunny Rabbit Esq. H B Rabbit CM, BSC (carrot muncher and beetroot stick cruncher). Yes, Lennie, they have eventually found beetroot sticks! I'll need help to put the videos on my blog so you can see for yourself how I spend my time instead of just reading about it. How I speed eat my herb salad. How I make my beds. How I entertain guests from behind my curtain burrow. There's a lot to being a house rabbit especially when you have free range like I do.

Mind you I haven't been allowed upstairs because the Canadian cousins have been staying again. Last time I sort of, well, peed in the corner of the bedroom they were sleeping in. It was my bedroom they were using and it was the only way I could think of to explain. The Norman always wears white socks so I decided to follow them around because they are much easier to see than the dark ones my lot wear. I think he was quite flattered.

OK. Here we go ..... Note the expert toss of the baby carrot for speed munching with my front teeth. See the way I keep my head in position so no-one else can share my stuff. There's more to this than meets the eye, it's not something to undertake casually.

Gay Paris

They've done it again. They left me on my own. Three days without television. Three days without being able to sneak out the back door and snack on rose petals, bean leaves, parsley and mint. Even worse they went to visit my pen friend Half-a-tail Mimi without my permission. I'd have gone with them if they'd said, I could have sunned myself on Paris Plage or taken a boat trip.

They do a good salad in Paris, Mimi would have eaten the olives for me. I tried to explain to her once about catmint being the thing for cats but between you and me I think she needs to join her local branch of Olives Anonymous. As you know I'm in complete control of temptation apart from dandelion leaves, rocket, valerian and other bits and pieces that might accidentally get in my way at ground level but Mimi climbs on tables to steal olives and leaves them all over the floor so poor Sheila treads on them the next morning. Anyway Mimi let me down pretty badly by cuddling my Primary Care Person. In my book thats a pretty low trick but typically feline. Crafty things, cats. And she's a girl.

So I'm thinking of crossing her off my Christmas card list and sticking to George, William, Smudge and Lennie.

On your own you say, Harve. I heard you did lots of entertaining and even persuaded Pauline- the-Postie to give you banana. Shame on you!

Warning for Lennie

My lot smeared lemon juice on the part of the TV cupboard I liked to nibble. HORRIBLE. Yuk!
Then they gave me a piece of apple tree branch about human finger thickness from the garden to strip whenever I made a move towards the same place. Really good for my teeth. Got them trained very quickly. I don't touch furniture now. No flavour so no point.

Harvey