Another New Year

Another New Year but I'm not going to make any resolutions. There isn't much I want to change at my age, things are very comfortable as they are. My food is good apart from carrots being a bit thin on the ground. Carrot tops makeup for it a bit but they're not as sweet and crunchie.I was going to resolve to make more fuss at bath time every morning but it wouldn't make any difference - it would still happen. I know I feel fresh and ready for the day when it's over but I really hate the idea of it. I quite like the feel of warm water and it's only at one end after all. I just can't reach to clean myself so I know it has to be done. I just close my eyes and think of dandelions.
"He's bulbous at one end" pronounced my vet during a recent visit. Huh, he can talk!
I'm pretty perfect in every other way though.

Jingle Bells

Oh no! It's that sprouts and jingle bells time again. Why won't they believe I hate sprouts? I tell them over and over again by tossing them out of my veggie dish. They put one in, I throw it out. They put another in. I toss it out.
Jingle bells are even worse. All that banging on the piano is horrible.

I always drop a big hint by dashing into the room and sitting beside it but it never works. Have they forgotten rabbits hate loud noises.?It's lucky I'm a bit deaf. My vet says lop eared buns are more likely to be a bit deaf because of the shape of ear canals and the lop. More likely to get abscesses as well. We can't clean the canal out with a back toenail, not that I'd like to do that. Mind you, we're all a bit deaf in this house but nobody else has the excuse of being lop-eared.
There is some good news though, we have found a new home for a house rabbit somebody had put out into the street. How can people do that? How do they expect a bunny to find food on a hard street on its own? It will now have a little girl to love it and a cosy house for Christmas. I am so thankful because I am too old to bond with another rabbit. I wonder what I will get this year? I've had my first Christmas card already. I can't see a Santa on it anywhere but it looks very cheerfull.A very happy Christmas to all my friends.

Feet

Some things are more important to a house rabbit than to a hutch rabbit. Feet for instance. If I had to pick out one of the most important things in my life it would be feet. I keep an eye on feet most of the day except when I'm asleep. Feet can tell you exactly what is going on in your house. You know where your family is going and why. You know if they head for the door, they're going out and you can snooze in peace. If feet go to the utility room it's always worth a quick check in case the fridge and carrots are involved. If they go into the big room they will put the TV on and it's time for me to get a good seat in between my hay bag and the screen. Doorways are a great place to feet-watch.

Hands will be more important to a hutch rabbit because they bring bowls of food and water and clean out the place. Now, I'm not too keen on hands. They tend to pick you up and check things out. Nope, I'm a feet man myself.

One of Life's Luxuries

Now, after being rated as a lot of trouble, I'm being called a luxury.
They are saying I cost over £500 a year to keep and that's without holidays at Bunny Hops and without replacement cuddle blankets and dozing mats. I think that's quite cheap and I try my best to keep costs down by not eating much hay. They seem to forget I don't need a hutch or a run outside so there isn't heating and cleaning to deal with there. Well, you have to help where you can.
Another worrying thing is the reduction in time given to me for secretarial work. The other day I found out why. She's writing a book about me. I can't believe the secrets in my diary won't be secret any more. I've told her writing is easy but getting people to read it isn't. I feel very let down though. A diary is such a personal thing. It's nobody else's business. What about my problems with, you know, my bathroom problems? People will know I get a bit scared going to the vet and being left alone outside. You think you know people, you think they love you and are your best friends and then..............
I'm upset and intend to stay in my security spot until I feel better.

Because

They're putting more dozing mats under the kitchen table for me now Autumn is here. That means more work they say. More to keep clean. If they don't put them down I sleep on the rug and leave a few raisins lying about. I don't do it on purpose, it just sort of happens.
So now, apart from these extra dozing mats I have,

Two litter trays,

A spare bed with blankets and my teddy in it in the utility room,

More mats there,

My bowls for greens, water and crunchies which have to be washed daily,

A large cardboard box in the sitting room with three kinds of hay and a chewy mat that drops bits,

My cuddle-cum-scrabbling blankets which have to be washed regularly, then I have to be brushed and clipped and cuddled.

Why all this work for one small rabbit you ask?

Because I'm worth it of course!Finally, if I can sneak up without anybody knowing, this is my favourite spot on an chilly, Autumn afternoon. Nice and squidgy. I think I've got things sorted.

Holidays

Packing is the worst bit of a holiday. I never know what to take or what to leave behind so I end up taking everything. My stool is the most important thing because I need to sleep underneath something with legs. I can't take my kitchen table so my stool is the next best thing.
I love Bunny Hops and feel a bit bored now because there's not much to look at here. You know what it's like after a holiday, things go sort of flat.
I miss my two neighbours, Jasper and Bobtail the velvet Rex rabbits. They were just a few months old but quite entertaining. In the apartment on my other side were two guinea pigs, Champagne and Sparkle and they never stopped talking. You should have heard the squeaks! I couldn't understand a word. There was no reason to natter all the time. They had a beautiful set up like mine. If they had watched me they might have learned how to behave in a quiet, sensible manner.

Other holiday makers didn't seem to take as much stuff as I did. I like my own things around me which probably made more work for Julie but I was happy. We have our own radio at Bunny Hops. It's nice to have a bit of background music.
I went outside into the garden while my bed was being made and my breakfast organised and quite enjoyed it, There were garden flats for outside rabbits so I had a good look round.
I'm going again next month. I know they'll be pleased to see me again. I'm probably their favourite.

Harvey Van Gogh

I've had a request from George to display my latest art work. As you know, I design cardboard boxes and frill armchair covers but I have now gone into mixed media. My friend Lennie and his mum know all about arty stuff and will appreciate my latest wall hanging.

Post-office-Margaret in my village has already asked for the next one I finish. She has very special cats which win silver cups so it is an honour for me, as a rabbit, to be appreciated.
The carpet fringe is an on-going piece of design work. It has to be sucked and nibbled for weeks to get rid of the actual tight fringe set up before I can pull it into shape. As you can see, it's a very exhausting job so I need a rest now and again.

They say all rabbits need a bonded partner. I don't agree. If you live with another rabbit you don't develop your originality and artistic bent. You spend time chatting to them about rabbit stuff instead of moving on to higher things and allowing your imagination to spread in other directions.

My family is very good about encouraging my talents. They give me stuff to work on. I'm busy with another chewy mat at the moment. Chill and chew I say.

In case you missed my other work here it is as well as my new stuff. I might send it all to the Academy of Modern Art. There's a bloke there who stuffs sheep. Disgusting. I could teach him and Tracey Emin a thing or two.

Got to get to work.

Garden bunny

I went outside today but there wasn't much going on in the garden. That blackbird has started knocking figs off the tree.He thinks he owns the place. He can't go on the plum tree any more because the wasps have taken it over and they're drunk.

I don't blame him really. He has raised three litters this year because we have been so generous with chopped grapes for the babies. MY chopped grapes! He needn't think he can move in with me in the winter. He already sits on the half door and poops inwards onto the porch floor to leave his mark. It's purple poop at the moment. Being a rabbit I'm an expert on poop.

But not an expert on gardens Harve! I have to carry you out each day for you constitutional, and shove your nose into the herbs and flowers so you can smell them. I only counted to 45 this morning before you ran for home after I put you down. Why? It's a beautiful day and it's so peaceful. You are now busy cleaning the smell of fresh air from your fur!! Weird bun.

Unloved?

I haven't written in my diary for ages. Nobody has taken any notice of me for weeks and weeks. Oh, they gave my my food and water and stuff but they don't love me the way they did before the duck invasion.
You might remember that duck came back. She lost all her babies and came back and laid some more eggs.
There were 10 ducklings this time and "we".......not me..............decided to keep them until they were strong enough to walk down the lane to the lake.
Well, we had them for three and a half weeks and you have never seen such fat things on two skinny legs with huge flat feet.

It was Disney World here for them. They ate chick crumbs every couple of hours, washed them down with fresh water, dashed manicaly about the garden, nibbled everything in sight including MY carrot tops, pooped all over the yard, plopped in and out of the pond, fell down the side of the oil tank and had to be fished out with the pond net. Even my hay was given to them for a bed underneath the garden seat up against the house wall. It was mayhem and they got all the attention.It went on and on and they grew bigger and fatter by the day.

Then, three days in a row their mother escaped into the big garden with them. Great, I thought, Molly the cat next door will get them but they came back each day for lunch, slept over, ate like horses then escaped again for good.

After that I went on holiday to Bunny Hops while my lot had a few days rest at the seaside.
Bunny Hops is my very favourite place in the world. I was fussed and cuddled and had a bedtime story every night. I took all my own stuff so it was home from home. Naturally they loved me. I needed to leave lots of my raisins about my run to make it really mine because there were one or two other rabbit about but I don't think Julie minded too much. She texted my lot twice each day and sent pictures to them. I'm going again in two or three weeks. Can't wait. There is so much going on there to entertain me.

It's all a matter of technique

First of all you scrabble your front legs about in the bag opening. Once you've made a hole you scrabble them a bit more until you get yourself most of the way in. Then, this is the best bit, you pull your back legs up to your front legs then KICK backwards with a quick flip until the hay flies out behind you in a storm, then you do it again and again and again. Simple. There you are,deep inside the sweet smelling hay bag and nobody has the faintest idea where you've disappeared to. Magic. Then you grab what you came for because the sweetest bit of hay is always at the bottom of the bag. Out you come with a flourish, nibble it until it's gone then back you go again right to the bottom.
Once you're in there you can't hear a thing. There's bound to be somebody saying, just look at the mess that rabbit's making! Won't he ever grow up?

Ouch!

That duck has just bitten me! She has a huge mouth.. All I did was wander over to see what she was eating and she pecked at me. They still put tasty looking food down for her and I wanted to try it. She's getting uppity because she has laid more eggs but we don't know where. She must know she will never get the babies out from here nor from next door because they have walls and fencing all round to keep their dog in. She is one of the most silly things I have ever known. At least the cats and dogs I have lived with had more sense and didn't lay eggs around other people's gardens. It's the ducklings I feel sorry for. Poor little things.

J is worrying now in case I catch some disease. She doesn't use a litter tray you know. The duck I mean.Not J. Messy creature.

Still, I'm feeling more important than that duck because I have a double page spread in the latest Rabbiting On magazine. I'm a celeb and I didn't have to be skinny to do it.
That pesky blackbird is still nagging for grapes and sultanas. Has nobody told him about worms?Worms are for blackbirds, grapes and sultanas are for rabbits. Now he has a baby as well and has brought it onto my patch.

Don't look down at me like that. I'm not going to give you any of my grapes.

Jamais plus.

I can't remember the last time I cried but I can't stop at the moment. All the babies are dead. They didn't make it to the lake. Twelve little beaks and twenty four little flat, webbed feet. They must have fallen behind her one by one and she wouldn't have known. All the pleasure they had in life was a dip in a drop of water in an old Swiss roll tin in the garden and the sun on their faces for a couple of hours.

She's back here again with the two drakes and they have forgotten. I wish I could.

If the drakes are still fertile she could produce another brood. I hope she doesn't.

I wish I had forced them into a carrier and taken them myself.

I wish...................

Would you believe it, those ducks are back. Just as I was going out of the back door for a breath of fresh air she arrived on the step begging for food. Huh! When can a rabbit have his garden to himself!

A Right Royal Occasion

It's a boy! It's a girl........................................

I'm an uncle at last to 12 adorable ducklings. They don't have names so I've called them all Harvey. My lot wanted to name them after some of the plants in the garden, Bluebell, Forget-me-not, Parsley, Rose and so on but I prefer something simpler. Harvey One through to twelve seems much more sensible.

I knew they would be the best ever because they belong to me. Even the two drakes came down for the first outing.

None of them wanted to go .......

..... but after playing around and drying off for a couple of hours or so, we herded them across the paddock.......

.......past the pigsty and into the farmer's field.

When she got them all through the gap she turned and quacked at us before she set off for the lake.

Oh, well, I've got my garden back even if the cantankerous blackbird is still around. He must be well stuffed with my raisins by now.

What wedding?

We were amazed at the attention of the drakes having been led to believe they opted out once the duck began to brood. They have remained at her side to the end.

Easter Bunday

And I'm the Easter bunny! Yea, I'm in the Pets Corner for Easter Sunday in the Telegraph! Not the Puddleby-on-the-Marshduck Telegraph but the BIG Sunday Telegraph. It's all about me, me , me.

There'll be one jealous duck in my garden take my word for it.

I sent them two photographs but they only used one of them. The other was a magnificent picture of one of my very best caecotrophs, the biggest ever. Maybe they thought nobody would want to look at it while they were eating their toast and drinking their coffee. Can't think why not. Mind you, they got it wrong about me living in a town too. I'm a Shire rabbit through and through. Open skies, dusty lanes, songbirds, ducks....................Ducks? Did I say ducks? Oh, carrots!!Anyway, for my family, friends and fans out there, here's the missing photo.

Jealous?

It's all about ducks here so I'm huffing. It's "Is she off her nest yet?" "Has she come down for food this morning?" "Have the boys come to see her today?" It's ducks, ducks, ducks, nothing but ducks.

I went outside yesterday to check for myself. It's my garden for goodness sake even though I don't bother much with it. You can't cover everything if you're a house rabbit but that doesn't mean I want other folk in there poking their noses into my affairs.

I prepared a few scrapes ready for my carrots, did a good bit of trimming the flat leafed parsley and checked out one or two of the borders but didn't spot or smell her. She must be well hidden. There was nobody in the pond either. I'll be glad when those chicks hatch and we can get back to me being centre stage. Can't be too long now for goodnss sake. She's making a real meal of this giving birth. We rabbits find it so easy.There's never this sort of fuss with does.

Harve is sitting by the back door repelling mallards. He stamps his back foot which has no effect whatsoever on the ducks. They are from the gravel lake down the lane or maybe the nearby river and are familiar with rabbits. They are not fazed. The female has decided this is the place to lay her eggs as she did last year and her two henchman have no say in the matter.Two? One has a limp and is guarding her more with hope than conviction that he is the father. They stick closely together and follow her every move. She seems to have forgotten the cottage garden is walled and although she can fly in, her chicks will not be able to fly out. Maybe she assumes we will open the gate just at the right moment. Whatever her instinct has told her she feels this is a familiar and safe haven.

We feed them once a day with corn and in return she has cleared the duck weed from the pond. The drakes quack as they eat while she sings contentedly on the same note.

Once she has layed her eggs and is sitting on them, her devoted husbands will leave her to it and return to the lake having done their duty by her. Hopefully our daily bonding will help us to assist her return the quarter of a mile down the lane to the lake to take her chance with her babies when the shooting season starts again. We can do no more.

She's been writing in my diary again and missed the bit where I chased the squatters up to the pond! Harve the Hero saves the day! Does that duck really believe she will be able to fit 12 ducklings in there with her?

Sunbeams and Seaside

It's sunbeam time again. I can't think why anyone would want to shiver outside when you can have your own sunbeams in your own kitchen and under your own table-hutch. Mmm it's the best.

They've been away for a few days but I didn't miss them. Had to go to the vet for my usual shave before they went but I didn't mind much. I feel a bit cooler now. I ignored them when they came back, didn't bother to get up because I was much too cosy and tired. After an hour or so I joined them and leapt about and binkied in case they had forgotten who I am.

I've been invited to go with them next time they go to the seaside as long as I don't leave any bits about the hotel. I wouldn't do that in a strange room anyway. I like to keep other peoples' places tidy. The trouble is they allow dogs to stay which wouldn't be any good for me so I won't bother. My best friend Pauline wouldn't want me to go because she loves me and looks forward to keeping me company and sorting my food and other comfort stuff for me. Anyway I get more sleep when I'm on my own and time passes very quickly.

Bobbing for broccoli.

It might be because my lot are growing old or maybe its me but it's getting harder to teach basic essentials. Broccoli for instance. Look at this. Now, I call this a hint. Broccoli in water bowl means I don't want broccoli in my greens dish. If I don't want broccoli in my greens dish I don't want broccoli anywhere. I eat the stuff I like first then what's left I nibble because it's there and I might as well clear the bowl. But not broccoli.

Now, pea tops are good. Along with celery leaves,parsley and carrot tops, they are first on the list to attack .Cabbage, well, yes but it comes at the end of the queue and is eaten when everything else has gone. Spring greens are good if they are springy. I don't like them if they flop about.

I heard them telling someone they have to make soup out of the floppy greens left in the fridge because I don't like them. What's wrong with that? I get first pick, they eat the rest. That's the whole idea isn't it?

My friend Paris- Mimi says George Bush Senior hated broccoli as well. Yea!

Harve eventually bobbed for the broccoli. It disappeared anyway.

The Year of the Rabbit

The Chinese are my sort of people.They dedicate every year to an animal and 2011 is the year of the rabbit. Not that every other year is not dedicated to me. The downside of this seems to be an increase in recipes of you-know-what pie, or so my lot tells me. Some people seem to think it's funny to suggest putting me in a pot. You would not believe the number of times I've overheard that comment from my den under the table. Not only do they think it's funny but they think they are the first one to say it.
I suppose I repeat myself too but that's because I have trained everybody to react to certain instructions and these have to be the same every time otherwise they might not get the message.Sitting on the edge of the kitchen rug means I want a bit of carrot or banana. I do it every morning. Nudging feet under the table means I want a bit of what you're eating please or, stop using the computer because I need a cuddle now. You all know about staring at a door until somebody opens it and growling when I don't want to be picked up and stamping my foot when I enter a room in case they don't spot me on stage.
Maybe this will be the year when everybody in the world will at last understand that we rabbits are intelligent, loving, helpful, companiable animals who must not be imprisoned in a hutch for life. It won't happen of course because the human race is a destroyer of everything good and noble. It can't even make sure rabbits have a hutch at least six feet by two feet by two feet and then a good sized run to play in. Is that so difficult to understand?

A HUTCH IS NOT ENOUGH.

I might write to that lady in a red coat and ask her to hit people with her handbag if they keep rabbits in small hutches.

I'm in a spot of bother I did my Geronimo jump off the sofa and my lump came up again. It doesn't bother me though. It will go down soon.

Mafeking relieved.

This is a special news flash for my diary and all who read it. All is well. Panic over.I tore a muscle and a lump came up. It was only a traumatic hernia after all. I knew I felt ok. I saw both my rabbit specialists, Kim as well as Simon who had come in on his crutches so I had a second opinion at the same time.. They said it would not be advisable to mend it because it would be like trying to stitch tissue paper to butter so I am to take it easy and not do any more Geronimo jumps off the sofa for the time being. Mmm, will I be able to resist?

We companion animals are very sensible about these things on the whole. Fortunately we don't need to go hunting for food so we can rest. I don't binkie much at my age anyway. Binkying is for younger rabbits.

Thank you all for your kind wishes.

The chewing hobby.

There's something going on in my neck of the woods.They have discovered a lump in my groin and you'd think the world was coming to an end.It doesn't bother me in the least. I can run, jump and do all my other things like cleaning myself all over and scrabbling on the sofa but they have gone into a fits of gloom. M thinks it's a hernia, well I am an elderly guy like him but it seems rabbits who have been, you know, snipped and pruned don't get them on the whole. Anyway, he's just a people doctor and doesn't know about rabbits so it means a visit to the vet on Tuesday. We can't go any sooner because Simon, my specialist vet broke his leg skateboarding in Australia over Christmas and isn't working at the moment. I'm going to have words with him about the knack of growing old gracefully when I see him. Honestly. Humans!! Fortunately his wife, Kim will be there so I am going to see her.

The locum is probably a good chap but I will only consult a rabbit specialist and my lot would never ever allow a non rabbit specialist to give me an anaesthetic. What a muddle. I'm not in the least bothered because I know I feel fine.

My friends Spike and Poppy are in trouble. They have learned how to escape from their overnight den and sleep in the living room by the fire. Somebody had chewed through the fireside rug overnight and they got the blame. Nobody can swear they saw them do it but it's easier to blame Spike and Poppy than Edward who only has one tooth.

House rabbits have a lot to put up with as far as chewing goes. I wouldn't say I have been responsible for much damage in my house. I chewed a bit of the wood on the TV cupboard because the doors were closed and it was time for the Simpsons, frilled the edge of the sofa arm cover trying to dig a burrow to hide in just in case I needed an escape route in a hurry and neatened the carpet fringe a smidge but nothing that didn't need doing.

Unlike cats we rabbits have a very important reason for chewing. If we didn't our teeth would grow much too long and we would need to have them filed down. Ugh. Now my pen pal, half-a-tail Mimi has had to call the electrician in Paris on several occasions to repair the table lamps and the computer but I haven't done anything like that. She looks quite innocent but definitely has a strong chewing streak.

And take dogs. Labradors in particular. Chew? If rabbits hadn't invented chewing, Labradors would.

Nope, rabbits have chewing rights. If you don't want a few artistic nibbles around the house don't get a house rabbit. Or get one who understands house rules like me.

Time to polish my halo.
We are frantic with worry.

Things I might do this year. Or not.

So far my New Year list of things to do is going to plan and am allowing J to pick me up to cuddle me more often. It's a bit scary when I see her hands coming down but I close my eyes and try hard not to run away. Once I'm up there it's not so bad. We cuddle first thing each morning for quite a long time, in fact I usually drop off to sleep up against her shoulder while I'm being stroked.
I used to hate it and it's taken me 8 and a half years to come to terms with it but there you are. I am a companion animal after all so maybe the time has come to behave like one.

I won't have it any other time of the day though. Absolutely not. The rest of the day is mine and I like to stick to a routine. Routine is the thing a rabbit needs. Fortunately I have an excellent memory and an acute sense of timing and I can tick off my daily list of things to do in perfect order. You will all know what they are by now. First thing eat slice of carrot, cuddle, eat slice of banana, bottom check, eat miserably thin slice of carrot as reward. Poo. Settle down for nap until main breakfast. Line up pellet food and greens and lie between them in case of marauders. Nap. Eat, nap.Eat, eat nap, eat, nap. Nap, eat. Sleep all afternoon. Snore loudly. Finish off any leftovers then into sitting room for TV, hay box, new hay bag and long cuddles on floor.

When I was younger I used to do a lot of hurtling round the house but I will be nine in six months so I'm starting to take it easy.

I might go outside when the weather warms up a bit and depending on Molly, the cat at the bottom of the drive. She has been particularly cheeky lately and has been coming up to eat the bird food. Don't tell me cats are fussy eaters! It all depends on scarcity value if you ask me and being jealous of my feathered friends when they come down to peck. She wouldn't admit it to the humans she lives with of course. She would turn her nose up if they tried to give her dry crusts and bacon rind but put it down for the birds and all of a sudden it's her most favourite thing. I expect she is sick when she goes home but it doesn't put her off.I had to baby sit again today. I'm teaching Edward to throw things around. He's crawling now and came into my very own hutch space under the table. I'm not sure I was all that pleased but if it's the only way I can give him lessons then I am willing to share. He threw my dozing mats around reasonably well and I tossed his toys in the air with my usual expertese. Then we went into the sitting room and played with my hay bag. I was the first to give in and hopped back for a doze. I am much older though.
I made a new friend recently. Her name is Jessica and you can see her photograph if you click onto her message at the bottom of my last diary entry. She has a very smart coat in my opinion.

Time for a nap.